Trashing the old paradigm

Written in 2018 from my experience tending the Florida coastline.

I’ve been taking the half mile walk to Ballast Point Park ritually for the last 8 years or so. It’s my sanctuary in the (what can often be) intensity of Tampa Bay city, catalyzed by the exponentially growing population and expanding development and industry.

The park lies on the coast of the Bays warm, gulf waters - lined with networks of mangroves and other beautiful native Florida flora. Years ago I would watch pods of dolphins play only feet from where I sit on the shore, blue herons, ospreys and other sea birds catching mouthfuls of fish, crabs and other arthropods scurrying about in the barnacle-encrusted rocks. A small slice of unabashed symbioses, thriving in their complexity, seemingly untainted and organically unfolding. One of the last spaces of minimally developed shoreline in the bay where the creatures of my homeland can thrive in peace and human inhabitants can observe and commune with Florida’s exquisite natural beingness.

Unfortunately, with each passing year, the invaluable ecological gifts of these incredible creatures decline. The water turns a shade murkier, the mangroves get cut back further and further, the sensitive creatures; the bivalves and crustaceans, the slithering and swimming and flying ones seem to decline in numbers as their respective niches for resting and breeding shrinks. The shores are lined with increasing amounts of rubbish - plastic bags and beer cans, straws and styrofoam cups. What used to be such a safe haven for me and so many other beings has rapidly become a place of dismay, concern, and a challenging interface with the truth of the consequences of industrialization.

But they still come. The creatures still come, fewer in numbers and now with obvious hesitancy. Almost as if to not give up on their treasured shoreline, to keep giving it another shot. And I still go too, not giving up, now always equipped with a trash bag in hand.

I have done this half mile trash pickup walk more times than I can count and every time, I come back with at least 5–10 pounds of rubbish. While this act of service absolutely has its fare share heaviness and heartbreak as I witness this sacred space rapidly shift into a waste filled landscape, this is truly the kind of work fuels me. With a half smile I duck through the foliage and climb on jagged barnacle-ladened rocks to snatch a plastic bag or abandoned fishing line intertwined in the roots of the mangroves.

The park is always full of people, soaking up the sun and enjoying their days. Often I feel anger, deep sadness, and fiery frustration for this (what often feels like) selfish, privileged obliviousness. Sometimes I want to yell at the top of my lungs (which I have) and tell everyone in the park to go away and never come back. I want to place the trash bag on their laps and say, “ how do you feel about this?! Do you even notice? Do you even care?”

I remind myself to take a deep breath, and ultimately, I’m happy that people still come. I have hope that as they spend more time here they will form a deeper communion and awareness of the beauty that encompasses them, leading to increased environmentally conscious practices and participation. Its hopeful, heart-full thinking.

Over time, instead of frustration and anger, and with lots of patience and practice, I have slowly begun to shift my energy around this whole situation to positivity and compassion. Instead of shaming the individual behind the month old McDonald’s beverage cup imbedded in the silt, who has probably long forgotten their act of littering, I try to send wishful thoughts. While still holding people accountable for their actions, I’ve realized there’s no need to hold a grudge and poison my own mind with negativity for what someone wasn’t even aware they did.

However, what continues to surprise me is as I walk around, sweaty and muddy with my big bag of rubbish but still giving warm looks and smiles, I am often met with strange looks of judgement, disregard, smirks and broken/hesitant eye contact. To this day, I have never received a thank you. I have never been offered help. I have observed that people distance themselves from me while I’m cleaning the shore line they gaze upon and benefit from - they move benches away from the weird girl picking up trash as if I’m ruining their peaceful experience. That can lead to a lot of internal discomfort. While I have never done this for a thank you or even expect any type of reciprocation, it catalyzes my curiosity; why are onlookers seemingly hesitant to engage in this type of selfless act? Are we fearful to come face to face with the actions we commit, and afraid to begin to do something about it? Does guilt cripple us into passiveness? Are we choosing willful ignorance and would rather keep our blindfolds on than look at the truth all around us? I don’t know. But my heart yearns for others to engage in these questions too.

In total transparency, this has been an incredibly difficult holiday season for me. I often feel like an overly sensitive black sheep in society that’s “too passionate” surrounding topics regarding the state of our planet and the variables perpetuating these issues, and the sensitivity is definitely heightened around the holidays.

Feeling so deeply intertwined with our living Earth and all of its processes, I’m often filled with confusion and questions around the consumer culture that we’ve all seemingly found such contentment in, which directly contributes to the suffering of our planet and its creatures. When I bring these morally uncomfortable topics up in conversation, especially around the holidays, they are often either dismissed or bashed or i’m gaslighted into a manipulated version of what I was talking about. How have we romanticized consumerism to the point where we can’t look past the plastics and products we buy to the landfills and ecosystems and bellies they ultimately end up in? How have our practices of holiday ‘celebration’ turned from sacred worship of animate forces to unwavering traditions of excess and wastefulness?

I try my best, every day, to walk around with my eyes and heart wide open no matter how much it stings, while it seems like so many others choose to sit in comfort with their blindfolds on. Distancing themselves further and further from realization and recognition of anthropogenic related issues as the world suffers beneath our feet. I felt this potently today at the park.

As I walk this path of existence as a third dimensional self-reflective organism, I am constantly trying to decipher and fine tune how I can commit to a life where acts of selflessness can actually become synonymous and homogenous with self care and self love. As I wander, I am recognizing with each passing day just how much larger this existence is than just you and I, despite our subjective perception being our only true window into this reality. We are facing some incredibly complex, systemic and dynamic challenges in the world right now, and no matter how intimidating it can be to take off these blindfolds and peer into the deep, pregnant belly of the truth, we’ve reached a tipping point in the timeline of humanity where we must. There’s no other option. Our individual actions, or lack there of, truly do impact every process, every being that exists within it in a massive way, both directly and indirectly.

Every morning I ask, “how can I best utilize my time, knowledge, and tools I possess to benefit the ecologies around me?” I’ve found for myself, that giving whole heartedly with genuine servitude and selflessness to others and to the space around me has initiated a cycle of deep reciprocation. This comes back to me in the form of wholeness and wellness that emanates from every direction. Nature herself and her biological rhythms begin to work in my favor, and everything becomes more at effortless, at ease, lighter, illuminated. Have you ever felt this? Like a pat on the back from spirit.

So, what are we doing here? I don’t think we’ll ever really know. But of the little I do know and have learned in 24 years of life, I desire to give in contribution to the collective consciousness and uprising of a new world. I can’t do this alone, no one can. I invite you to utilize that big ball of energy that exists within you to do something that you feel contributes to the space around you every single day. Give yourself, fully, to the beings or processes that are sacred to you that you want to make more beautiful, no matter what way that manifests. Don’t fall into the patterns of passiveness and tolerance, nihilism and hopelessness, and acceptance of what you don’t stand for.

We need you now more than ever.